I've been thinking a lot lately about how I need to be better about "letting things go." And when I say "things" I really do mean things. I am realizing that I have a really hard time giving things up or giving things away or even selling things. I always think about the future "potential" of an item - either using it in the future for what it was made to be/do or perhaps re-purposing it into something else.
Recently, I have had to deal with this part of myself a lot. About a month ago we moved from our large unfinished house to a smaller finished house. We've had to make a lot of decisions about what to take with us and what to donate or sell or trash. It's been hard at times because my husband's nature tendency is to just box everything up for trash or goodwill and not even consider a yard sale or posting things on craigslist. Unless an item is worth several hundred dollars he just doesn't feel like it's worth all the time/energy that posting and selling requires. He's probably right. But for me, it's about the chase or the hunt or the feeling of selling something and making a bit of extra cash that can be spent on whatever I want because it's sort of like "free" money. But I'm also 36 week pregnant and I am caring for a 19 month old so it is hard for me to be the one to coordinate things.
We had talked about having a yard sale today, but instead we just moved more things over, gave some stuff away, and threw a bunch of stuff out.
As much as I would like to think that I've matured over this last month and have learned to "store up my treasures in heaven" and not on this earth by saying good-bye to my cast iron tub and my gorgeous ceiling fan in the master bedroom (they will be sold with the house, of course), I am still having the HARDEST time deciding what to do about this really cool wooden typeset dresser full of old typsetting drawers that we just don't have space for. Maybe just keep some of the drawers (they are super awesome for organizing small things) and sell the rest? Or perhaps just give it to someone that has the space for it that would really like it? I just can't seem to let go.
Why is it so much easier for me to support Josh writing checks towards missions work than it is to give away the whatever-item-it-is that I don't need anymore? Why can't I just let go of all the things that are just cluttering up my mind and my house? So weird.
It's as though writing a check reveals success and generosity so I'm happy to give it, but giving away "stuff" is like a failure or something. Like we shouldn't have bought it in the first place or we paid to much or something. I guess it's that I'm just so afraid of not being savvy or smart or thrifty or wise when it comes to the accumulation and re-sale of junk.
Josh always reminds me that it's ok to be a failure. He is always saying "Well, what if you actually didn't do that very well?" or "Yeah, what if you aren't actually that smart or savvy? Would that be ok? Is Jesus enough for you, then?"
If you think about it, pray for me. Pray that my heart would soften even more and I would be able to more freely give as I have been freely given. Pray that Jesus would be enough for me and that I wouldn't worry about being not savvy or perfectly thrifty or wise when it comes to bargain hunting or re-selling my stuff. Pray that I would be totally fine with just letting go!
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